Panic Attacks

This is not a precisely educational post. It's not about panic disorders so much as physical anxiety symptoms. You see, since I started the fall semester I've had two severe bouts of anxiety during my classes. I normally experience only minor physical anxiety and can go take my medication without anyone knowing but what I'm noticing now is that the times when I get full on panic attacks, I don't have that warning system. I also noticed that I get two distinct types of attacks.

Usually I just feel a warmness spread throughout my chest (I picture it in my mind as dripping food coloring in water, the way it spreads and permeates) but it seems that my panic attacks completely skips this.

The first is what I expect is a textbook PA: In this instance I had to give a 2 minute self introduction to my Japanese class. It started well and I recovered easily from my small stumbles. After about 10 seconds I started to feel very hot and somewhat confused. I couldn't remember anything at all and my body started shaking badly. The more severe my physical symptoms became, the less I could remember and the less I remembered, the worse my physical anxiety became. It just happened that my physical symptoms preceded my forgetting, though from the outside it would have appeared to be the other way around.

The second type is the more frightening of the two: During my second koto lesson, I felt very overwhelmed by the tuning process (13 strings!) and even after I finally got help, it didn't let up any. I suddenly became aware of how hot I felt and pulled out my folding fan. It's amazing how astute your instincts can be in times of duress. I just knew from the beginning that I couldn't (or shouldn't) move. I had had this kind of attack in the past, where I felt that I had to stay as still as I could, and when my roommate tried to get me to move I had an outburst followed by an hour long panic attack. I was physically incapable of using my legs or speaking. All I could do was cry and hope she'd come help me.

I recognize this sensation and was determined not to let it go that far. I couldn't go take my meds so I tried deep breathing and cooling myself. The deep breathing just made things worse and I eventually got as far as not being able to speak and couldn't keep a grip on my fan so I just used both hands to brace myself on the floor. Without really thinking about it I started slowing my breath as much as I possibly could, and my anxiety went down to a perfectly manageable level. I was able to continue after that without even taking the medication.

I now see myself as being armed with more tools to combat these attacks in the future. No matter what, I don't want this or anything else to control my life. What do you do to help yourself get through panic attacks?

Project: Emergency Self-care Kit

One of the most important skills for a person with a mental disorder is the ability to self soothe. When having any kind of severe episode, a person's ability to plan or figure out how to help themselves goes down drastically. That's why my aftercare therapist assigned us to create an "Emergency Self-care Kit."

An emergency self-care kit is a box or bag that you put together in advance filled with anything and everything that makes you feel relaxed and happy. Because you think about it before you have a problem, you have a clearer mind and when you need it you don't have to worry about what to do, just take it out.

Examples of stuff you can put inside:
A journal (don't forget the pen!!)
A cd of specially picked songs
Tissues or a hanky
Bubble bath
Chocolate
A favorite stuffed animal
...and anything else you think can help.

Optional: After you put it together, leave a comment with some ideas to inspire other's kits!